Sunday, November 15, 2015

Why Some Men Fear Marriage: The New Comparison

I was in a discussion earlier today about an article that spoke of a rising trend in the avoidance of marriage  by men for the fear that they no longer feel they have a secure place in a marital union.

Intrigued over what it could be, I learned from the article that some men feel that through the emergence of equality among the sexes, women have matched the economic and social standings of their male counterparts.

Some men have stated that they feel less than capable, when, as their parents grew up, some family units were traditionally stabilized by one working parent and one that stayed at home to raise the children.

So today, many families boast two working parents to help with living expenses, and more and more women are nullifying the earnings gap between themselves and men. This has some men feeling less competent or unnecessary in their role as earner or supporter in a marriage. As a result, some men are avoiding marriage altogether, thus staying far from a relationship where they may feel unwanted or unnecessary alongside their stronger more independent counterpart.

Well, I did give this concept some thought, and certainly don't want to offend either of the sexes, but what I have to say is, "Unto each, their own."

Firstly, our generation is  brought up in a culture where we follow traditional actions: study hard, land a job, buy a house with a picket fence, get married, have kids, and continue the process for the next generation. Not all people need to or should get married. I'm sure many of us can recall  friends who have dissolved their marriage for reasons other than the one above. Sometimes, marriage just doesn't work for everybody. It should not appear as a compulsory rite of passage as traditional society dictates. Many people can enjoy rewarding lives alone or with a special companion as opposed to through a lifelong marital tie. Though certainly, those who wish to marry can also find successful partnerships within an established marriage framework.

Second, I'd imagine that as far as earnings and social stature go, this may be more of a psychological nuisance than an actual threat. Perhaps those men who dislike the thought of a highly established spouse feel threatened by how they would look to their friends if a man knew his wife earned more or was more successful than him in some manner. But in order to keep with the intent of a successful marriage, it is up to the couple together to earn and invest in their marriage in order to see it succeed. 
I'd say, why not enjoy the successes of your spouse, male or female, and reap the rewards of such success through that marriage. After all, the more funding a team gets, the more opportunities it can find, higher goals it can set, and greater rewards it can attain. There is no shame in comparing strengths. Likewise, a football team boasts players of all sizes and capacities, but they all work together to accomplish success.

And lastly, I can't help but ponder if some of these husbands desire to attain a spouse which they can execute authority OVER, instead of WITH. Let's face it, authoritative spouses still exist out there, and I'm all for finding a spouse to compliment you. So, if you are a woman who desires to serve your man endlessly while he brings home a paycheque, so be it. Likewise, if you are a woman who wishes to reach the highest level of your potential and marry a man to compliment that success, so be it as well. 

To conclude, the main point I'd make in response to this article is to say that you can't hope to change people. They may decide themselves to adjust their ways, but it is near impossible to change who you are. Therefore, take your time when you look for the right spouse if you do decide to eventually marry, and on that journey of dating, find out EXACTLY what they stand for. Are they authoritarian? Traditional? Open to new ideas? Eager to compliment their life partner instead of compete with them?
One of the keys to success in marriage is not to be afraid or feel threatened. Life is not about finding the wildest horse in an uncertain effort to tame it, only to worry down the road about being overthrown down the road. 
Rather, why not find someone who is that "gardener" to your life, who respects who you have grown to be, and is eager to see you grow into the best person you can be. When done together, I have seen some marriage take to amazing heights!

There is no need to fear what you understand. So grow any relationship with the right person, and you will reap its rewards.

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