Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Proving any New Relationship should be A Walk in the Mud

I read about so many people caught in the perception of a "fairy tale romance" or that "fairy tale wedding."
Let's not allow what we THINK we want, to mask what we KNOW we need.

I'll admit, meeting that person with the perfect set of eyes or heart-warming smile is a great way to lure you into the beginning of a relationship. But months down the road, is that all you can rely on when the going gets tough?

Today, so many people are caught up in the notion behind image...the made-up, classy car driving, smooth talking, wealthy, charming lifestyle that has become through advertisement, the apparent goal of all happiness.
But few media venues point out that the true test of a great relationship, is built on the foundation of fundamental communication and problem solving.

My cousin had his share of relationships, and his last girlfriend became his loving wife, to whom he has been happily married to for years. He shared a secret with me that I deem genius when it comes to the testing of a relationship's very fabric...

When he dated his then girlfriend, they decided to get a part time evening job together, in addition to their own full time day jobs. This way, they not only spent time together, but formed an understanding of obligation and responsibility-TOGETHER. They spent a few years doing part time custodial work and agreed to bank their pay so that if they decided to get married, they'd have enough to buy a few appliances for their home....

...Fast forward a few more years...and the two decided to get married, as they found their relationship to be strong and meaningful. They knew that spending leisure time was easy, taking in a movie or sharing a nice dinner out. But by working together, they learned how to problem solve and observe guidelines together, and share obligations and hard work toward a common goal.

When they got married, they found they had accumulated enough money from their joint job to make a small down payment on a home. The rest, became history!

Several years later, they are still together and happy- with a child and a paid mortgage!

Sure, not every relationship can wind up this financially gifted, but what we can take from my cousin's story is this...

It requires almost no brain power to choose a movie or consume food, or share kisses with your partner. And if you are really serious about making it work, really load up the strain on your relationship, to see if you both truly work well together under some pressure. There is nothing wrong with doing this, because future stresses WILL OCCUR! Why not test your joint problem solving skills now, before you commit yourself to a life with that person, so that you don't waste anyone's time!

It may sound rude, but I guarantee you, its absolutely vital to test the depths of both your management skills.

So before you decide to laze around for months with your boyfriend/girlfriend,
why not test how to handle some scenarios that likely will occur in the future:
-Meeting potential inlaws
-Managing pets, bills
-Dealing with habits, like smoking, drinking, or gambling
-Deciding where to live
-Having the "how many kids would you like to have" talk

I understand that not all of these things are necessary right out of the gate when entering a relationship, but a couple would be absolutely silly NOT to have these discussions at some point well before initiating a marriage or solemn lifelong commitment.

Remember that in many countries, divorce rates are as high as 50%. So why not make REALLY sure that he or she is the one for you.
It DOESN'T matter how good she looks or how sweet he talks when you both have a crisis on your hands. What you want to discover early in the game, is how well BOTH of you handle conflict and resolve problems.
Anything short of that, is just a fairy tale!

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